In which I assure everyone that I am not nuts

Monday, April 20, 2009

Since my last post, I've gotten *loads* of emails warning me of the perils of Craigslist - thanks to everyone who has written, your emails are awesome! So I wanted to write a quick post to reassure everyone that I'm not nuts, and I promise I won't go on a date and end up in a garbage bag or a Law & Order episode.

Online dating can be scary, and believe me, I'm hesitant about even trying it. Granted, with a site like Match.com that you have to pay for, many of the truly messed up individuals are screened out... But even still, I have some friends with horror stories. Nothing truly scary or violent or anything like that, but people who have misrepresented themselves, or flat-out lied. So there's that to think about. Of course, I had a boyfriend in college that maintained two sets of friends and two girlfriends, and I met him the regular old way... Some people are just really devious.

I'm well aware of the recent violent crimes associated with online dating in general and CL in particular, so I'm going into this eyes wide open. I may be more selective in the CL usage and just respond directly to ads that strike my fancy. I have a pretty active sketch-meter - I worked in a really skanky dive bar in college with an interesting crowd of nutbars. It was a fun job and educational too! So if nothing else, I'm pretty good at spotting potentially sketchy situations.

All that being said it's the less terrifying elements of online dating that are freaking me out... If I respond to an ad on CL, I have to send my picture. But what do I send? I am one of those unphotogenic people that is totally way better in real-life than pictures. I tend to look a) stoned, b) pissed off, c) blurry or d) all of the above... I swear in real life my eyes are generally open and I'm not this twitchy, cranky, drug-addled loon. Some women perfect that half-lidded sultry gaze... I, on the other hand, am merely dopey looking. The only halfway good pictures of me are when I'm doing something like hiking. And in those I'm sweaty, dirty and generally far away. So, already even just the picture thing is causing me angst. I threw up a couple with my OK Cupid profile, but like I said, they mostly seem to attracting much older men. Of course, I've got lots of headless photos that I've posted here, and those may get me some dates...

Then there's the rejection factor, both of me and my potential suitors. I hate hate hate sending my picture to someone and getting shot down, or worse, getting no reply at all. I mean, if I'm in a bar and some guy doesn't find me attractive, he just wouldn't ever hit on me. At least he won't walk up to me and say something like "you're really not my type", as one gentleman said in response to my picture. Granted, once I saw his picture, he really wasn't my type either, but his rejection still stung. And I'm not great at rejecting people either. I don't like to judge people based on how they look, but let's be honest, looks do matter... at least a little. And when you don't know much about a person, you've never met them, looks are all you have to go on. But I hate hurting people's feelings, and I don't want to be mean, so I'm often at a loss for how to respond to someone I'm just not interested in...

I clearly over-analyze everything.

In any case, I've been exchanging emails/IMs/phone calls with a few guys that seem to have some potential. I'm going out for drinks and dinner with one guy this week, and perhaps another one this weekend. We'll see how that goes... And as always, I'll keep you posted.

On the bright side, all this weeding through emails and pictures and profiles has given me something to do at night. It's kind of nice to search for my next man from the comfort of my couch in my pajamas and save myself going to the bar and all the effort that involves... primping, plucking, shaving, uncomfortable heels, push-up bra, adjusting my tits for maximum benefit, and shelling out far too much money for a watered-down drink - all for the slim hope that I'll meet someone worthwhile. I'm tired of the bar scene, spending too much money and going home alone. Here's hoping my potentials don't turn into total disasters!