online dating misadventures already

Friday, April 17, 2009

Now that I've put my intentions in print, I can't very well back down now, can I? It's like telling everyone you know that you're going to quit smoking or go on a diet. Once you've done that, you're relegated to sneaking a cigarette behind a parked van or stuffing a cupcake in your mouth locked in your bedroom...

So I decided I'd grab the bull by the horns last night and post an ad with one of the online dating sites. Those eHarmony commercials freak me the fuck out, so I passed on them. Some of my friends have had luck with Match, so I went there first. I did a quick search to scope out the potentials before forking over my credit card info and who do I see matched with me on the first page? Fucking Jim. Seriously? Next.

I ended up creating a profile on OK Cupid, specifying that I didn't want anyone older than late thirties. This morning I woke up with a bunch of messages for my profile. I swear to God, every single one was over 50. Who are these guys?! Not that I have anything against older men (as evidenced by Tyler), but I was hoping for someone closer to my own age. Yikes.

So, I ended up cruising the Craigslist personals. I figure it's free, and while a haven for sketchy folk of all types, you never know. I responded to a few ads, and I'm trying my hand at one of my own. The thing is, I'm not quite sure where to post, or how to write it. I mean, I'm not really looking for a life partner at this point. I wouldn't turn it down if I met the perfect guy, but I don't really want another boyfriend just now. I want something less than a boyfriend, more than an NSA hookup... I don't mind the 'friends with benefits' thing, but the term grosses me out. It's like when someone refers to their bf/gf/fuckbuddy as 'lover'. It just gives me the willies :)

So, is there a CL acronym for that? Not a boyfriend, not a casual lay, someone kinky, but not disturbingly so, someone who will bring me chicken soup when I'm sick, but not feel the need to spend every weekend with me, someone who won't mind that I might date other people. In my experience, this guy doesn't seem to exist. Every time I've dated a guy and said, upfront 'I do not want a boyfriend', they've initially been like 'Fantastic!'. Within weeks, they're pissed that I date other guys and wanting to hear about my day and talking about how great we'd be if I'd just give them a chance. I've had some bad luck with boyfriends stomping all over my heart (hi Jim!), and I'm just not looking for that again any time soon. Fucking, yes. Love and heartbreak, not so much.

But how to write the perfect ad to fill my requirements? I think I'll have to take a chance with the women for men section, casual encounters seems to be filled with men who are hoping to "help a pretty girl with her bills"... I am a little bit apprehensive about posting an ad on CL though. Abbie tried it once and got literally HUNDREDS of responses. I don't want finding a date to turn into a full-time job!